Midlife Dating Podcast

EP 29 - I Scored 104/100 on a Dating Quiz… and Still Needed Help

• Paul Nelson • Episode 29

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Highlights for this episode:

In this episode, I bring on dating coach Laurie Gerber to coach me in real time—so you can hear exactly how a pro would tune up your dating life, too. 

Laurie and I talk about my 104/100 score on her “Are You Ready to Date Like You Mean It?” quiz, my 7 deal-makers, and why I’ve been attracting the wrong attachment styles for years. We discuss approaches to vetting on dating apps—my faster-paced, phone-call filter versus her methodical, text-and-video-chat approach. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Laurie’s 3 stages of dating over 50 and obstacles that often keep people stuck in “not quite ready” mode. 
  • Why you may be attracting the same attachment styles that help to explain why you keep attracting the same kind of partner—and what to do about it. 
  • Discussion of Deal Makers/Breakers to keep them positive and inspiring rather than secretly negative and judgmental. 
  • A practical framework (Head–Heart–Hoo-ha) for assessing compatibility in midlife dating. 
  • Laurie and Paul debate how quickly you should get to the phone call. Why moving too fast to the phone can cost you potential matches—and why Laurie prefers video chats.

About Laurie Gerber

Laurie Gerber is the founder of Laurie Gerber Coaching, Inc. and the creator of Master the Art of Love, an online course for women over 50 who are ready to date like they mean it. She hosts the podcast Love at Any Age, and for over 20 years, she’s coached thousands of people in life and love, previously as President of the Life Coaching division at Handel Group®. Her work has been featured on the Today Show, Dr. Phil, MTV, A&E, Match, Zoosk, JDate, AARP, and her own Blog. Check out her TEDx talk on the power of truth-telling called “The Secret-Free Diet”

Listen to Love at Any Age on YouTube, Spotify, or Podbean, and grab her free webinar “3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love without Repeated Disappointments” at https://www.lauriegerber.com/webinar

Connect with Laurie:
Website: https://lauriegerber.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@lauriegerbercoach
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lauriegerber_coach/

About The Midlife Dating Podcast / 50 Dates at 50

Paul Nelson is the host of the Midlife Dating Podcast and creator of the 50 Dates at 50 website. Helping Gen X and Baby Boomer singles learn to date smart, enjoy the process, and move from right swipe to real-life meetups with frameworks like the 3-1-1 Rule and Right Swipe Discipline.

Questions, Comments, or Podcast Topic Suggestions: questions@50datesat50.com

Episode 29 Laurie Gerber Interview Transcript

​The transcription below is provided for your convenience. Please excuse any mistakes that the automated service made in translation.

Date of Release: 01/15/2026

[00:00:00] 

Paul Nelson: Hey, everybody. It's your host, Paul Nelson, here at the Midlife Dating Podcast, and we have a podcast first for us. We're doing our first interview. We'll be talking with,

Laurie Gerber, dating coach at Laurie Gerber 

Introduction and Setup

Paul Nelson: Coaching as our guest today.

Now, before I introduce you to Laurie, I want to give you a quick rundown of some of the things you're going to learn on this episode. Now. I took Laurie's "Are You Ready to Date Like You Mean It?" Quiz, and I'm not sure if I broke the quiz or [00:01:00] not, but I somehow scored 104 out of a hundred. And I'll discuss how that could possibly be.

Laurie also puts my seven deal-breakers and deal-makers under the microscope with some real-time feedback. And this will get interesting because I'm sure many of you have similar deal-makers and deal-breakers. On your list. On your list and will learn which specific ones out of my, which specific one out of my seven made Laurie hit the brakes.

We also discuss a little bit about Nice Guy behavior and one of the more significant discoveries for me, at least over the last few years, and that is Attachment Styles, and how if I had awareness on these many years ago, I could have. Definitely changed. I would've definitely changed my approach to dating as I learned the attachment types that I tend to attract are not very compatible with the type that I am.

I also run the all-important filtering question past Laurie, that I use on the dating [00:02:00] apps, which gets me ghosted 50% of the time, and I get some great real-time feedback from Laurie.

Now one of the most fun things about the interview is Laurie, and I have opposing approaches when it comes to the messaging process on the dating apps, and what steps you take place after the messaging, which makes for a fun discussion.

So here at the Midlife Dating Podcast, the learning never stops, and I don't want you to miss out on making your date nights more memorable.

So now 50 daters, let's start turning those dating busts into dating bests. So let's begin.

Meet Laurie Gerber: Dating Coach

Paul Nelson: Well, today on the Midlife Dating Podcast, I'm welcoming, welcoming dating coach Laurie Gerber from LaurieGerber.com. She also has a podcast called Love at Any Age, and she also has an online dating course for women over 50. Laurie welcome. Why don't you tell us a little bit more about yourself?

Laurie Gerber: Thank you [00:03:00] for having me, Paul. Uh, what your listeners don't know is I found you. I wanted to talk to you very badly, so that is maybe the most important thing in my bio. 

Laurie's Journey and Coaching Philosophy

Laurie Gerber: But, but other things in my bio include that I have been coaching people for over 20 years, and about five years ago, I decided I really wanted to focus in on the niche of dating over 50. Between you and me, I also coach men, but my marketing is targeted towards women, so. Men who can, who can live through that. You know, I find a lot of value in the principles that I teach, but I am addressing the needs of people who are getting back into dating after a partner has died, after a divorce, or after a breakup.

Sometimes I work with people who've never been in a long-term committed relationship, but that's the most rare. And I help people through the three stages of dating, which is the readiness stage, where it's like something's stopping me. I don't know what. [00:04:00] determined that there's about 34 potential obstacles, and everyone has some of them.

So we figure that out, we can actually get ready and build that confidence and excitement. The next stage is the tactics and the actual logistics of getting out there, whether it's in real life or online, and all the to-dos of, of the shopping or hunting or whatever you want to call that. And then the third is the early dating phase, where if you don't. Engender honesty, and you don't go deep, and you don't have those real conversations, which I know is something is so important to you, then what's the point anyway, right? Then you're 7, 8, 9, 10 dates, and you don't really know the person, and then when the breakup happens, it hurts even more. So those are the three stages I'm helping people through, and I do it private coaching, I do digital, you know, that's just what I'm kind of steeped in all day long, and that's what the podcast talks about and my passion.

Paul Nelson: Yes. It's always good to pursue our passions in this stuff.

Laurie Gerber: Indeed.

Paul Nelson: Yes. 

Paul's Dating Quiz and Personal Growth

Paul Nelson: So when we [00:05:00] initially talked, I went to your website and I, I, I looked over a lot of things and I, I took your five-minute, are you ready to date? Like you mean it quiz, and I, I think I've got 

Laurie Gerber: the highest score of anybody who's ever taken the quiz.

Paul Nelson: Yes. Yeah, I had a.

Laurie Gerber: Your guru, Paul, is a good egg. He's

Paul Nelson: Yeah, scored,

Laurie Gerber: of work. 

Paul Nelson: scored 104 out of a hundred, I think. Because you said you added a, a bonus question in there. Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: did. We never thought anyone would ever get over a hundred, but Paul did.

Paul Nelson: And I mean, I, when I looked at the test there, there was a lot of self-reflection going on, going through those because there were many questions that if I took a quiz 10 years ago, I wouldn't have. I would've been more insecure there. There were a lot of things I would've. Knocked me down, and I definitely wouldn't have been ready to date 11 years ago [00:06:00] even though I was trying to 

Adding to the problem that was out there at that period of time.

And so through 10 years of personal growth, I've reached the area where I feel comfortable that I've been dateable and ready to date for several years now. And one of the. Biggest problems that I run into. 

Challenges of Dating in Metropolitan Areas

Paul Nelson: I live in Orange County, Los Angeles, area, and so there's a variety. I do some organic dating, and I will do speed dating. I play in a cover band, so I, I go out, and I can socialize doing that, although there really isn't a lot of time to do that when I perform, we have,

Laurie Gerber: Yeah.

Paul Nelson: Yeah, you perform, then you got to pack up gear afterwards. So there's really not a lot.

Laurie Gerber: Take the undies that were thrown at you and just put them in your 

Paul Nelson: I wish,

Laurie Gerber: Walk away.

Paul Nelson: Yeah. When I did this in the eighties when I had long hair and a [00:07:00] perm, uh, that's what I was really looking for, but that, that never,

Laurie Gerber: You and me both. We both had a in the eighties. Nice twin Twinsies.

Paul Nelson: Yeah. Yes. I, and I played it in a hair metal band, and so I, I, I, I could apply mascara and 

Laurie Gerber: am 

Paul Nelson: Yes. 

Laurie Gerber: You know. Beautiful. that. Van Halen. Yep. Got

Paul Nelson: Yes. The Motley crew type thing and the poison. Yeah. So we were more along,

Laurie Gerber: What about Twisted Sister?

Paul Nelson: I, I,

Laurie Gerber: Didn't they have perms?

Paul Nelson: I, I, they did, but their, their, their makeup was more. Kiss, like, if you will. And that's, we, it was more subdued. We did. So I had a girlfriend at the time that showed me how to, you know, use the eyelash curler and, and a apply everything.

I have pictures too, which are a good thing to look back at and laugh, but I don't have the hair anymore for that. But I, so I, I never. I, I could go on to some stories about that because [00:08:00] I was a really shy guy back then. And so nothing ever really panned out then. And life has morphed into a different way.

But the bottom line is that there's a variety of different ways that I will go out and meet singles, and one of the biggest issues I run into is dating in Orange County or some of the metro areas. I, I, I know this. People are going to run into the same problems that I run into if they're like dating in Washington DC or Miami or New York or some of these other larger metropolitan areas.

And what I run into is I, so I, I have an idea of what I'm looking for, and we will, we'll get into the, uh, deal-breakers and deal-makers based upon that. But some of the things that I run into, and I've been running into for years, and I’ve devised a pretty good system of weeding out the pretenders, I call 'em.

And a lot of the pretenders would be [00:09:00] there's a lot of men and women on the dating apps, so I'm going to focus on dating apps right now that are there for entertainment. And I, I never really realized this initially. It took me a while to figure that out. And then there's another group, a sidebar of that, that are on there for personal validation.

They, they like to get their matches up as long as they're getting matches. You know, I can understand, you know, the, the gals in their twenties and thirties wanting to be this way, but. Women in their fifties and sixties. I, I say it isn't so, but this is one of the things that I, I regularly run across and still hookups.

It's still alive and well today. And for, for men and women singles

Laurie Gerber: Sax Paul. It turns out it's like one of those ageless, timeless things. Weird.

Paul Nelson: and then for a lot of other people, dating is a [00:10:00] hobby. 

And they're not really serious about it, and so. I've figured out how to weed a lot of 'em out. And so we're going to focus on basically the, the fifth group that I'm looking for. Those looking for a relationship, 

a meaningful relationship, long, a long term, you know, or a short-term that moves into a long term is, is what I've, I've been seeking myself and I've found some of that in the past, in some of my dating relationships and I've been able to troubleshoot and figure out why they didn't work out. 

Understanding Attachment Styles

Paul Nelson: One of the biggest eye openers for me has just been learning about Attachment Styles. I seem to attract the avoidant style. I'm a secure style, and I attract the avoidant ones, and it's just not a good match. And so I've adjusted my deal-breakers and deal-breakers basically based upon that. So in, in some of the [00:11:00] clients that you coach that are utilizing online dating, are they running into some of the same things that I am or can you elaborate on some of the things that you've seen?

Laurie Gerber: And I just ask, do you know why you pick that type?

Paul Nelson: I have.

Laurie Gerber: I can't help that. I'm a coach,

Paul Nelson: No. That, that's, no, and that's,

Laurie Gerber: I'll answer your question.

Paul Nelson: no, that's, that's a good question. I've been troubleshooting that because I just recently learned, I would say in the last 18 months to two years, about Attachment Styles, and I have. In my younger days I used to be what they would call the Nice Guy, if you will.

And I mean, Nice Guy is not Nice Guy as in verb. We all want to be Nice Guys and act nice and, and behave nicely, but Nice Guy as a noun that describes a, a, a, a man that, that, wants to just do nice things like fix a gal's car or these things [00:12:00] to, and hopefully by doing nice things like that, she'll date me.

So I probably still have some remnants of that, although I've grown through a lot of those and I think there are times where I, I may pick out some of the gals that, that need help. If you will, and, and go after that. And, and so there's obviously things that I am doing that are attracting that most of them are the avoidant and with, with some of the, an anxious type mixed in there.

But I've, go ahead.

Laurie Gerber: Sorry. The reason I'm asking is because a lot of those first obstacles we deal with in coaching are about where that attachment style came

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: What you observed in your parents. What you observed about love, what the haunting experiences of your past taught you or ingrained in you, you a little bit, your personality, and sort of like the lineage issues that come through, what Paul is versus what a Laurie is versus whatever.

So not a million [00:13:00] different inputs as to why we, the quote unquote type we have. It's usually. We do a couple of exercises to kind of just figure out, like, what is that, and then the illumination of why helps you go, okay, I see that very clearly. That's from my past, that's from my lineage, that's from my parents, or a reaction to my parents.

I'm now going to shift gears very consciously and be a different way, which I do think is the conclusion you came to. But when I ask, you don't have a quick answer, which is interesting to me. Right. I actually want you to have a quick answer of, oh, well, I observed this, I made that up. I was winning this way.

I, I'd rather be the Nice Guy than an, you know, I saw my dad be a jerk. What, you know, there, there is an answer as to how you came up with that strategy that doesn't attract securely attached women. What attracts a securely attached woman is a masculine man. Who knows what he wants, and provides a lot of safety, protection, and clarity.

And so the [00:14:00] quote unquote weakness a woman might feel when you're a quote unquote Nice Guy, not attract a secure, I mean, you've sort of solved the riddle, but I think it would be helpful to go back, and look at, and look at and be able to articulate clearly for yourself and for others where that comes from.

Paul Nelson: Oh, oh, yes. And I was going to say, I've actually went through hypnosis to try and troubleshoot some of these things just to take a closer look. Yes, some of this is traced back to my hockey coaching in grade school, where I wanted to please my coaches because hockey was so important to me that I would've done anything.

So actually it traced parts of it back to that, so conversation for another day.

Laurie Gerber: Usually it's further back than that. Usually, it's further back than that, but it's a good start to answer your question. You sound very familiar. You sound like the very common man, common woman, common person. Who [00:15:00] is tackling dating in this era at this age. You know, in this general age group, the first thing you said that reminded me so much of the common complaint is that everybody blames their geography. It's, it's really kind of. Mind modeling how ubiquitous this excuse is. Is that the thing about people in my area, or lack of people in my area, is, and to me, that is just so beautifully how riddled our mindset is with BS. You know, it's sort of like off roads, and that's the first point I make with my clients, is like, you're, you are entertaining all sorts of nonsense in your own mind, and you don't even know it.

It sounds smart, it sounds good, it sounds statist, and you, my friend, right, are such a learner, such a good doobie, such a good student, such an A Plus. It's worse for people like us, honestly, because we believe our theories, we believe our good data, and our research. Because [00:16:00] we're smart, and we did the work, right?

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: Your listeners are similar, so I'm just going to say nerds, danger. Danger for you, smart for you, smart advance is because you really believe you know what's going wrong, and you almost never really do. And neither did I, by the way, right? I'm not saying I know better, but the real reasons you're not getting what you want are very purposely obscured to you by your own mental shenanigans. Okay. So it's, it's more, it's more like, and then I get people to talk, right? Or write to me. Actually, I've already had you write to me. I had to do a quiz. I had you answer some questions to start to uncover what it is going on up there.

Like, what's the stuff that's going on up there that you're not saying because you're at least admitting you think geography has something to do with it. You think it's hard to find somebody who's, you know, as interpersonal growth as you are. But there's other stuff too that's even more dangerous to the possibility of you finding love that isn't obvious or isn't coming out of [00:17:00] your mouth.

And it's, and I can detect it a little bit in how high your standard is and how just mildly hopeless you are, that anybody could be. As I'm just going to put this bluntly as deep as you, but good news. Everybody I talk to feels the same way. The men and the women like that. This is the good news. You are not alone. You are not alone. And in fact, in my coaching course, we do a group call every month with the women and last. I met up with a coach who coaches men, and we brought the men and the women together, and it was so beautiful and profound because each one really thought the other group did not exist. A group of people doing introspection, doing stuff, admitting what's wrong, you know, admitting their, their faults and their weaknesses. Honestly, searching for a long-term, committed partnership, companionship, and you could just see everyone, and they're still on a high from it, like, oh. There's other unicorns out [00:18:00] there. In my world, they're everywhere. So it is not a matter at all of a scarcity or geography, you know, which I'm sure you know, but that's, that would be the first response I would give to the people who are saying the kinds of things you are saying.

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: If you've done a lot of your work. But if you're not getting the result, it's, there's still one of those 34 obstacles that we haven't, we haven't attended to.

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm. Yep.

Laurie Gerber: That's my very clear math. Back to you. Back to you, Paul. 

Paul Nelson: All right. And I, well, I, I, I just wanted to follow up that I don't place myself in the Nice Guy category anymore. I, I, I'm in the good guy category, but yeah.

Laurie Gerber: Good upgrade. Yeah.

Paul Nelson: I. I, I, I worked hard 10 years ago. Just an FYI, I worked really hard to come out of my very introverted self in that I was very shy, introverted, and not in the [00:19:00] introverted where we need to, well, I still need downtime to recover introverted, but I was very shy and so I worked really hard to get out of that and through workshops and whatnot.

So I've been tackling a lot of these, and I've, I've. I feel at least that I, I've moved into the, the good guy category. And

and 

Laurie Gerber: Something you've said that I think is so important? I just

Paul Nelson: Sure.

Laurie Gerber: The fact that you did the work, i.e., you practiced showing up in a way you were not. Already showing up because you knew it was more consistent with your ideal.

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: I'm trying to teach people to think, plan, and act consistently with their highest ideals.

So if their highest ideal is I want to be present in this conversation, I want to show up, I want to be myself with everyone and anyone, then you have to think different thoughts, right? F off, hockey coach, and you have to, and you have to do different things, and you put in the hours and did that and changed who you [00:20:00] show up to be.

That is so inspirational and hopeful for anyone who's listening.

Paul Nelson: It's, yeah, it's all in the effort. If you put in the effort, you'll get results eventually. So let's, let's, let's just take a look here at the Foundation Fundamental Foundation of my 

Paul's Must-Haves and Deal-breakers

Paul Nelson: My must-haves and or deal-breakers and deal-makers list. And I'd like to get your, your feedback on that.

Laurie Gerber: Great.

Paul Nelson: Basically, there's a seven each, but they're just basically an inverse of each other, that's all they are. And so let's just take the first one. One of my must-haves when dating and meeting people is that I'm looking for a gal who has a positive outlook. They need to have a great sense of humor, be kind, and because I'm just, I'm very allergic to negative.

And so that's, that's one of the first things that I look for. I'm not I'm not looking, I [00:21:00] cannot date a Debbie Downer. And it, it's, that's one of the biggest turnoffs, and I can generally tell that on a phone call. I can weed a lot of these things out in a phone call. One of the other things that's important to me is the gal that I'm considering dating and want to have a potential relationship with has to have outside interests.

For instance, the relationship cannot be her focus. She has to have some other passions, whether it be writing or. Maybe it's skiing or working out for that, that matter, or jogging or, cross country or marathons. It, it could be a variety of things. Theater, she has to have something that she focuses on because I run into a lot of gals out there in their fifties and sixties that the.

The relationship is what they focus on. And I've been [00:22:00] down that road, I don't want to go down that road again. Relationship is one part of complementing each other. Yeah.

Laurie Gerber: Beautiful. Beautiful. Seems

Paul Nelson: Yep. And then we have financially stable, not financially independent, just financially stable. It just means they can take care of themselves and have respectfully just managed their lives financially. That's all. And then one of the other things is they need to be passionate about having an intimate sexual relationship. I am, I'm not into dating just to meet somebody and go out to dinner. A positive, intimate sexual relationship is very important to an overall relationship.

Laurie Gerber: Yeah.

Paul Nelson: I, I know.

Laurie Gerber: between a friendship and a romantic relationship. It is the difference.

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes. And, in the. [00:23:00] Baby Boomer and Gen X age group age can make changes on that for some people. This I understand. So that gets harder to kind of sort through. 

Good communications are very important to me. And I work hard at communicating things I'm thinking about. If I am talking with a woman and I don't understand the hints that she's giving me, I will ask for clarification. But I find a lot of the gals I end up meeting would rather drop hints and not directly address some of the communication issues.

Laurie Gerber: Mm-hmm.

Paul Nelson: Then they also would need to respect themselves. This is another thing, and being physically active. They [00:24:00] just need to be able to show that they've been taking care of themselves and not let themselves go, just they don't need to be a G rat. They just need to go out and exercise and take care of themselves.

That's, that's what I do. I'm in good shape. I go out for walks, and I hike, and I'll work out with weights.

Laurie Gerber: For what you are, correct. You are asking for someone who is up to similar things that you're up to.

Paul Nelson: Yes. They don't need to exceed that. Just basically where I'm at

Laurie Gerber: Give

Paul Nelson: in, 

Laurie Gerber: or take a point. Give or 

Paul Nelson: yes. Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: Beautiful. Beautiful. And finally.

Paul Nelson: Yeah. And finally, embrace personal growth. So this is one of the things that I have been on the biggest kick on learning. I took a workshop a while back where we, they demonstrated what personal growth looked like, where we actually had to go out on Hollywood Boulevard.

Get signatures as an exercise. 

[00:25:00] And it was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life, because I couldn't get any signatures for another day. But…

Laurie Gerber: Dating online seems easy.

Paul Nelson: Yes, it does. And the whole thing was that they set us up to fail in the exercise. And then explain that, you know, first it was understanding you need to make a change.

Then you go out and you. Start making the changes. And you're going to be you could get angry and upset with yourself as you go through the changes, but you need to recognize that that is part of the change. And then when you finally make the change that you want to do, you look back at the previous step, and you laugh about it because, anyway.

I'm looking, I find a lot of people, men and women, that they don't want to embrace change. They're afraid to fall, if you will, during the process of learning and making adjustments. They, they want to [00:26:00] rest on their laurels. They don't want to move forward with learning new things. So that's, I, I need to find somebody that embraces those same types of values of, wanting to learn new things. Yes.

Laurie Gerber: Okay.

Paul Nelson: And

Laurie Gerber: news. Every, all the women I talk to, they fit this description. So not all, but a, a very vast majority. But go, 

Paul Nelson: where are they?

Laurie Gerber: you want to say? That's a great question. I, I intend to answer that question and a bunch of others, but what was the question you were going to ask? Were you going to ask me a question

Paul Nelson: Uh, well,

Laurie Gerber: to give 

Paul Nelson: and I'll just,

Laurie Gerber: this? 

Paul Nelson: Uh, yes, I, I could go through the deal-breakers, but they're just basically the inverse of yeah.

Laurie Gerber: So I've, I've

Paul Nelson: Yeah.

Laurie Gerber: I don't think, I don't think it's necessary

Paul Nelson: Yeah. So, uh,

Laurie Gerber: the same. 

Paul Nelson: I, I am dying to hear about your feedback on this.

Laurie Gerber: dying. Okay. Good, good. Don't, but don't die. Don't be dead, dude. Okay. So, 

Laurie's Feedback and Insights

Laurie Gerber: The, this is a great list, right? To me, this is [00:27:00] a very good set of bones on a, what I call, a three-H chart. Your head, your heart, and your Hoo-haw criteria,

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: The head criteria is she takes good care of herself financially and physically, right?

You just want to partner in that, right? You don't want someone who's relying on you or who you are relying on; you want two equal partners. The heart wants good communication and an interested, a growth mindset, right? Makes

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: That's going to meet you where you are in terms of feeling. and connected, which is what you're looking for.

And then the hoo-ha wants some regular action, of course, right? Like this is all completely. Completely reasonable. It's not a dime a dozen. You are weeding out, right? It's like if you go to Macy's, I don't know if you even have Macy's where you live, but like different brands. You know, there's, you're not going to go to every store in Macy's, right?

You're going to pick this. It's not, I'm not saying everyone fits this criteria, I'm just saying this is a decent, open-minded criteria, and I appreciate it [00:28:00] because usually when I see people's lists. There's a whole bunch of junk in it. There's a bunch of things they don't really care about, but they think will signify something. there's a bunch of unrealistic expectations that you are not prepared to provide that very same thing in return, or it's just kind of like loyal, you know, like the, to me, something that is a given, you know, people. People really mess these lists up. So I appreciate that you've boiled it down to some real essentials.

And one thing I really ask people is why do you care about those things? And I think that would be a worthy question to ask yourself, too. So that, because the way you speak about it, it sounds like she has to be blah, blah, she needs the blah blah, I really want to share fitness with somebody. I really think a relationship's more stable when the finances are relatively compatible, so one's not carrying the [00:29:00] other. I really value good communication, and I want to be met and challenged in that area. You see how every way I'm saying it is positive, and the why is in it, versus just a checklist. And by the way, women are so much worse at this than men. Women are just like a checklist. You know, he's got to be this tall, he's got to be this, like, we're disgusting.

So it, it. Everyone makes this mistake. So I'm acknowledging that you've essentialized, and I'm advising you to drill down even deeper as to why you care. Because everyone, for example, puts many, many people put finances and fitness on their list, but they don't drill down to why. And the why is actually different for every person. One person wants to work out together. One person just wants to make sure you're not going to die. One person. It's about how you look. One person likes. person, it's about stamina in bed. I like everybody different as to their why. Same thing with financial stability, right? A lot of women don't want their finances upset because they want to leave the rest of their money to their kids [00:30:00] at this age.

So, but that why is really important when you're dating or else you sound kind of like a jerk.

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: The one feedback I would give you is that I'm allergic to negative, weirdly negative. You to say

Paul Nelson: Oh, Elaborate please.

Laurie Gerber: It's literally a negative statement. I'm allergic to negative. It is literally a negative statement. You could have left it at positive outlook, great sense of humor, be kind, right? 

That's what you're looking for, but you snuck in a negative into your desire. And by the way, everyone does that. You are not alone.

We can barely think about what we want without thinking about what we don't want. But that is a mental exercise that makes you a way more powerful manifester. You have that, you have a negative judgey voice in your head. I don't care how much work you've done, so do I, so do you, like, I don't care.

But you have that voice, and he sneaks out and he, he [00:31:00] sneaks out and he, he diminishes your. Clarity and your fortitude and your precision as to what you're going for when he sneaks out. So you do have to check your must-haves for sneaky negatives, sneaky baggage. And that's the other problem is you've been trying hard for a long time, so you've got a list of. right? Signatures, uncollected, right. That you now have a relationship to, and this is true of so many daters, 50 and above. We have this history, we have this path, we have this relationship to our quote-unquote failures. That's not powerful. It's not like, oh my God, this all makes sense. I get it, I'm ready.

And there's a click. And that's what happened for me. There was a click. It was like, oh, I see what I've been doing. It's this, this, and this. It's crystal clear. It's been me all along. I am going to flip that. I'm going to do it differently this time. And then magic happens like it. [00:32:00] There is a magic aspect to, like, where are they?

Well, they're everywhere, but we cannot see them if we are in our own way.

Paul Nelson: Understood. Okay. I hadn't thought about that. What, what you said there. So that's an interesting point that, that you, you made there.

Laurie Gerber: Thanks. Do you want to think about it out loud?

Paul Nelson: Well, I'm going to have to reflect on it more. I guess the main thing is when I was married, my spouse was extremely negative, so I understand that. My, my list is a,

Laurie Gerber: Baggage.

Paul Nelson: to my past, if you will, and I don't want to go through. Negative. I mean, there are always aspects of life and things that we deal with that there's going to have some level of negativity to it, but I don't want to drown in it and have it thrust upon me every day.

Yeah.

Laurie Gerber: To [00:33:00] be clear,

The Importance of Kindness in Relationships

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: With that criteria at all. I want that for you. And by the way, most men, that's what, that's top of their list.

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: They want a positive environment and they want kindness that is top of the list. For most men. You are normal. That is healthy. Please, I'm not saying don't want that. 

Overcoming Past Relationship Biases

Laurie Gerber: I'm saying believe it exists, right? Because you're a little on a high horse and a little judgy about how awful people are because your ex-wife sounds. Like she was, and that's not fair to put other women,

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: it, it obscures the women who aren't that if you think that women are, that you, you see what I'm saying? Like,

Paul Nelson: Absolutely.

Laurie Gerber: Really? I thought all handsome men were blonde hair and blue eyed, which is just obscured a whole, you know. Group of men. It turns out I fell in love with a brown hair, brown-eyed, like, God forbid you keep thinking the past determines the future, or that you know everything about how people are, that would be such a bummer. I mean, it will. It will kill you. And we all know we prefer being [00:34:00] right than having love. So human beings love to be right. We love to talk to our friends about how terrible dating sites are and how terrible gender is, and how terrible dating, like all of it. We love, we love misery poker, but it robs us of our clarity, our confidence, and our fortitude what is a marathon.

This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm. So let me drill down a little bit more here and get your opinion on so, uh. 

The Clone vs. Complement Debate

Paul Nelson: There are two basic schools of thought that I've run into in dating and meeting, uh, meeting gals, and same with my male brethren. Where there, there are two categories. You got one group that's basically looking for a clone of themselves to date, and then you're looking for the other, which is looking for a complement. 

And I, I feel that I've opened up my [00:35:00] must haves, deal-breakers, deal-breakers to uh, very open to a complementary person that

Laurie Gerber: Awesome. 

Paul Nelson: complements the relationship and not a clone. The last gal that I dated.

It was about a year. We dated for about a year. Uh, she was looking for a clone, is what it came down to. And I couldn't change to that. I wasn't going to either. It's not what I am. 

So do you find, what do you, what do you find most of the time? Do you find a lot of people are looking for clones of themselves or are they open to being, having a complementary relationship?

Laurie Gerber: That's a, I think that's a binary question, and I'm going to expand upon it because coming to get at what's behind that question. So I think people are wrong about what they think they. I mean, I just think people get it wrong.

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: know, it's often a woman will describe someone, and I'll go, this seems like an ad for your best friend [00:36:00] who's a woman, not an ad for a man.

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: I just, just, I think actually women are more prone to that mistake than men are to, to imagine that they want someone like themselves be their partners. , but so the point is well taken, but I'm really interested in. how do you find out quickly? 

Effective Vetting Strategies

Laurie Gerber: Because part of why you have not succeeded at your mission is because you have spent time with not the one, right?

It's not like you were sitting around twiddling your thumbs, right? Or

Paul Nelson: Right.

Laurie Gerber: on the internet, right? You have dated people who were, who you found out were not what I call a three-H match, not a head, heart, hoo-ha match

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: You are not a three-H match for them. Like if, if you were still trying to change yourself after a year to fit their heart criteria, well, no, that's not a match. So I'm interested in getting you and everybody much more quickly through that vetting, right? That, [00:37:00] that, that, that asking of questions and answering questions and being together in a way that has you really know very quickly whether someone fits your criteria or not, and whether you fit their criteria or not.

Paul Nelson: I would say, well, when it comes to the vetting process I use, it's been refined and honed over a long period of time or over several years. 

Navigating Online Dating Profiles

Paul Nelson: Uh, I, the first stage of vetting for me is actually looking at a dating profile for looking at online dating, for instance. I can, I can tell a lot about the pictures, whether they actually write something in their profile.

It used to be easier to vet. 10 years ago, eight years ago, with more of the legacy websites, where they had more involved dating profiles like Match or eHarmony. And a lot of that's changed now to [00:38:00] 

Laurie Gerber: Don't get 

Paul Nelson: the date. Yeah. The dating apps where you have 300 characters.

Laurie Gerber: Right.

Paul Nelson: and so it was easier to vet then.

But just by looking as an example, there are some of the apps I, I, you know, I'll, I'll pick on Hinge for just a moment. They have the hinge standouts, for instance. These are gals and guys that, uh, for a lack of a better term, would be winners of life's lottery in the looks department. And they've had it easy for many years because they're, they're absolutely stunningly gorgeous.

And so they've never really had to work hard at that. And then if you look at their profiles, the pictures are stunning, but they don't really write anything, uh, in the profiles. To me, that's, that's a, that's a left swipe immediately. I, I, I don't want to be the one doing all the work in a relationship. And I know that's where that leads.

I've, I, I've been experienced enough to actually date some of the, uh [00:39:00] uh, the gals that would be in, in the hinge standouts, if you will, and I've learned that's, that's not part, part of my life journey is learning. That's not where I want to be. So I 

Laurie Gerber: nicely 

Paul Nelson: don't, yeah, I, so, I, I don't.

Laurie Gerber: right.

Paul Nelson: Yes. So the top 10%, if, if they're in, I could go on experience after experience, and they're going to fit into a generalized stereotype.

So I don't even go near that. What I, what I look for is more of what I would call the Goldilocks zone, if you will. And this is the,

Laurie Gerber: that's my

Paul Nelson: this is, yeah. Yeah. So this would be the 89% down to 70. These are a lot of the people that actually. You can see that they put work into their profiles. They've actually written stuff out and, uh, you can get a better idea of who they are.

These are some of the things that I use just on looking on some of the profiles where I think that there's a potential match there. I utilize that, and then I [00:40:00] will quickly message back and forth. I, I can, and I don't spend a lot of time messaging. I learned that lesson a long time ago, where a lot of people will message back and forth for days and days and days.

Laurie Gerber: You become the therapist, the attention giver, or the entertainer.

Paul Nelson: Yes.

Laurie Gerber: those people out, is

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm. 

Laurie Gerber: you do not, I, my rule is you don't text for more than two weeks. One to two weeks is the sweet spot enough to get deal breaker questions out of the way and to see if you have a good banter and to see if they, if they care.

Right? That's one to two weeks.

Paul Nelson: I, I'm, I'm probably even more ruthless than that. 

Laurie Gerber: Believe you be. I believe you're ruthless. You sound ruthless,

The Role of Video Chats in Modern Dating

Paul Nelson: When for me it's by the time I'm at the third message exchange I, I send the message that gets me ghosted 50% of the time, and that is,

Laurie Gerber: What? 

Paul Nelson: Are you comfortable with moving our conversation to a phone call?

Laurie Gerber: Okay.

Paul Nelson: and, and

Laurie Gerber: you? 

Paul Nelson: [00:41:00] Sure. 

Laurie Gerber: you? I 

Paul Nelson: Yes.

Laurie Gerber: because I got to tell you the woman's perspective

Paul Nelson: And that's, that's, that's not, yeah, that's part of a trailing message where we've maybe talked about hiking and there's a quick conversation on hiking going on, and then I'll say, yeah, well, I could tell you more about the Morrow Ridge hike in Laguna Beach, uh, over a phone call.

So, are you more comfortable? Are you comfortable with moving our conversation to a call?

Laurie Gerber: A woman in her right mind will move to a call after three exchanges and give her phone number to a man. No, not, not a woman who's savvy. So I don't recommend you doing it that way anymore. I will give you another idea that I

Paul Nelson: Okay.

Laurie Gerber: equally well for getting rid of women who aren't serious and also attracting women who are serious, but more self-protective.

Paul Nelson: Okay.

Laurie Gerber: I am telling you, I coach men all day long. You have no idea what it is like to be a woman, and we have no idea what it's like to be a man. Right? Like I, that's cool. I'm fine that you don't know what it's like to be a woman, but [00:42:00] it is not safe to be a woman. It is not safe to give out your phone number. It is not.

I don't let my girls give out phone numbers. I have them create a Google. You

Paul Nelson: Yeah, there's the Google line.

Laurie Gerber: face.

Paul Nelson: Yes. So what, just a quick, what I'll do is, so some of the apps actually have the, the, the call. Portion, and that's what I recommend going to is that,

Laurie Gerber: Perfect.

Paul Nelson: so

Laurie Gerber: so you, 

Paul Nelson: continue.

Laurie Gerber: you may be reading profiles. They are probably not reading profiles.

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: So I do recommend one to two weeks of banter over text where you. So you create a three-H list: head, heart, and hoo-ha. If you follow my program, you will come up with questions that go with each of the criteria. There'll be straightforward questions like, " Do I like how they look? Or do you have kids? Or, where do you spend your time? Or who'd you vote for last election? And sometimes they're more, [00:43:00] uh, vague and sneaky questions like. How's online dating for you? Or what's one of the greatest lessons of your life?

Or how would your friend describe you in three adjectives, or, you know, what's your proudest accomplishment, or, you know, a question that is more likely to get a values-based answer out of someone without directly going, what are your values? Or, these are the values I have. What about you? So. You are using that first one to two weeks of texting, and by the way, you're only texting each other if you think the pictures are cute.

Let's be honest, that's the only reason you're texting each other. Great. That's a good baseline. Hoo-ha. Six or above. On a scale of one to 10, what I need you to accomplish is that the head is happy with the basic concept that text exchange, you can ask about your deal-breakers. How do you spend your time?

What do you like to do for exercise? What's been your greatest self-discovery? [00:44:00] What, if politics or religion are important to you, you'd bring that up. You know, what's your worst bad habit? Got any kids where, where are they? Where, you know, do you live with? You know, have dogs? Right? Like you, you, you banter about the things that are your head deal-breakers if you have one.

You can't do finances, you can't do that yet. Not in a text, but it's waiting. a lot of your head criteria you can cover in that text banter exchange. So in that one to two weeks, you are developing a rapport. You are getting to know each other's personality. You are getting head deal breaker questions answered, so that if a deal breaker becomes apparent. Thank you.

It was lovely meeting you. I don't think it's a romantic match. Best of luck, you're building her trust. If she ghosts you during that one to two weeks, there's only two reasons. Uh, three reasons. There could be a glitch in the app. We know that happens. Number [00:45:00] two, she's not that attracted to you. Fine, goodbye.

We don't want you anyway. Or she found someone else that she got serious with. We also don't want you anyway.

Paul Nelson: Yeah. Uh, exactly. You're, you're, I I, I was going to counterpoint there for a second. You, you actually hit upon some of the things I was going to talk about there, and I was going to say, and I, I'll make the attempt here to, to defend my position on the and I, and it's good to get your I, I really like your, your feedback on this.

Laurie Gerber: The results, Paul. I want you to get the results. That's where I'm coming from.

Paul Nelson: See, what I've learned is when it comes, if I were dating on a legacy website, more of what you're saying, I would uh, apply more of that. But when it comes to the dating apps, the stuff moves so fast that, uh,

Laurie Gerber: date on the apps date

Paul Nelson: Yeah. But it, it exactly, but well. [00:46:00] It,

Laurie Gerber: You're 

Paul Nelson: I would say I would, yeah, I would say it needs to be one, one facet of, of meeting singles.

It would be the dating apps, for instance. So if I'm on an online dating app it, a lot of times if I, I've discovered over time that if I don't get to the phone call quickly then the, the messaging trails off very quickly and then

Laurie Gerber: into you. That's okay. That 

Paul Nelson: Uh

Laurie Gerber: the wrong, you're on the wrong dating site for you

Paul Nelson: Yeah. Well,

Laurie Gerber: are you torturing yourself? Like, why are you doing that to yourself? You obviously have tried a lot of different things, and some things

Paul Nelson: mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: than others the people who are on the apps want to go fast.

Paul Nelson: yes. Hence, that's why I go to the, after the third conversation when, when I'm working with a dating app in this situation like Bumble or Hinge or whatnot, I [00:47:00] have to go faster because I'm competing with the next 50 swipes. Yeah,

Laurie Gerber: don't 

Paul Nelson: Yeah.

Laurie Gerber: when they ghost

Paul Nelson: Oh,

Laurie Gerber: because

Paul Nelson: I don't, I just, I just know that. That's part of the game. That's the way it works. And so, to effectively utilize online dating apps on a phone as a tool, that's what I've adopted as my way to go about doing that. That, and I can, I can create all the dates I want. Getting dates is not a problem per se. It's just getting quality ones. And that's

Laurie Gerber: not vetting well enough. You're not vetting well enough. And I can also tell that your attitude isn't like, oh, yay, I got rid of these. The riffraff, your attitude is like, what's wrong with people? That they're so fast. And the answer is those are the people who don't want what you want. And so we have to, there's millions of singles out there. We have to get rid of most of them.

Paul Nelson: Yes, they're, they're, they're eliminating themselves, which is what part of that does. That's [00:48:00] why I like the that's why ask was in three. Because I know those pretenders will eliminate themselves very quickly.

Laurie Gerber: eliminating, and by the way, stop calling them pretenders because that's mean and judgmental stop. Really? I'm just telling you. It's not nice. And women want, they still want a good guy who isn't a judgy. Jerk. Right? Like so, I would stop calling them pretenders. I would, you said it yourself.

There's people who are there for entertainment. There's people who are for validation. I'm going to give a category. There's people there for therapy, men and women,

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: looking for a serious relationship. Your job, your Be the Mandalorian or whatever sci-fi hero you like, right? Your job is to Your store in Macy's that you like to shop, stop shopping where you don't belong and don't be, don't take it personally, right? Like it's

Paul Nelson: Oh,

Laurie Gerber: It's not okay.

Paul Nelson: I, I, I'm not, I, I'm, I'm just, there are, again, there are many facets to meeting singles in our age group.

Uh, online [00:49:00] dating is one of those. And so when I utilize that tool, that's, that's the, 

the slow system I've developed. Yeah.

Laurie Gerber: you seem awfully attached to your system that is not working.

Paul Nelson: Well, it took a while to put it together. Oh, well, it works to get dates. I can get dates all day long. Yeah.

Laurie Gerber: I want you to get high-quality dates, so I have a suggestion. I have a suggestion that you stay in the environments where it's more likely that you're going to find your people, which is real life.

Paul Nelson: Hmm.

Laurie Gerber: self-help programs, the legacy dating sites, Out, out in the world at your friends' events, right?

Like that is where a man like you, who is much more of a long-form thinker, slow build, get to know each other. You are not you, having to go fast is like me having to go slow, honestly. It's like, why would you do that to us? It's so mean, like, it's just not. So I would recommend you focus on the ones that are catered to [00:50:00] you, so you stop. Having the drag right. And I would recommend you banter for one to two weeks and see if you can rule people out with the banter and the deal-breakers. Not by the, because the problem is yes, you're ruling out the pretenders, the riffraff,

Paul Nelson: Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: ruling out women who just don't feel comfortable yet and don't feel safe enough yet because they don't know you well enough. So I don't want to rule those ladies out yet for you.

Paul Nelson: Yeah, so I, you know, I, you know, I fully admit there's going to be some collateral damage. And I'll read,

Laurie Gerber: Okay.

Paul Nelson: be ruling some of those out.

Laurie Gerber: You've tested it, and you think that it's right. I would also not go to the phone call. I would go right to a video chat, and this is what I tell all my, my clients, and you can do a video chat in the app, or you can do it on a Google Meet with made-up Gmail addresses. So nobody has to reveal their identity, although I think men should reveal their identity.

But

Paul Nelson: I, 

Laurie Gerber: me. 

Paul Nelson: I've done the video chat, and I'm more open to that. I can easily do [00:51:00] that. That's not a problem. I find, I find I, I would say one out of every 15 gals that I have had a, started a conversation with is interested in a video chat.

Laurie Gerber: Yeah,

Paul Nelson: just, I don't, uh

Laurie Gerber: a great vet. It's a

Paul Nelson: mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: It's a great vet. But I think you, you, a video chat helps your cause. because you're good-looking. A video chat doesn't help everybody's cause. So

Paul Nelson: well, it, it took me a while. I think, well, one of the things on the video chat is men have a tough time with it, and it's hard for me. I've talked to coworkers that are single when I was working full-time as an engineer, and video chat is. Just not good for some of these. Yeah. It's very hard.

And so it's, it's a, it's a learned skill and a lot of men, I know a lot of men [00:52:00] speaking from a men's perspective are not willing to go out there and, and, and upgrade or work on their video chat skills, so that that's,

Laurie Gerber: It's so powerful.

Paul Nelson: mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: I mean, it's such a shortcut, and I know it's hard. Uh, I'm not saying it doesn't take working out, but it's, I mean, working out that skill. But it is, it's such a hack because first of all, the work you do to be good on camera, meaning your hair. Your clothing, your background, your noise level, your technology, your confidence.

You're figuring out what you're going to say, figuring out what you're going to do, all of that preparation makes you a better dater and a better person. It just does

Paul Nelson: Yeah, imagine those skills in a relationship.

Laurie Gerber: Right. Right. And a man who is willing to do a video chat. I mean, women are complaining all the time. They just want to meet in person because they just want to get laid, or they just want to see, they just want to rush me. Right. If you go, let's do a video chat and check our chemistry. They know you're serious. They know your life is put together. They know you're not trying [00:53:00] to waste your time or her time. It's the obvious hack to me. The only person who says no to a video chat is someone who is lying on their profile, who isn't looking for something serious, or who's not that into you, period. So it's a great way to get rid of the riffraff. After one to two weeks of banter, love to hop on a 10-minute video chat to check our chemistry, and how they react will tell you everything you need to know.

Paul Nelson: Okay, Laurie, I sense a challenge here. And so what I'm going to do is I am, I'm going to follow through here on your advice, and I will report back to you on what, how this works, and we'll, I'll, move things to the video chat, and I will. I will throttle back on the

Laurie Gerber: If you've only had three interactions, it's not going to work. Right. Because why would a woman have a video chat with you after only three sentences back 

Paul Nelson: that, that's so on the inverse of that, the [00:54:00] ones that I do get to the phone call very quickly, a lot of them tell me a good portion. I'm like, I'm so glad that you, you, you wanted to get to the phone call. Uh, a lot of these guys just want to text all day. 

And so, yeah. So

Laurie Gerber: just, you've just distinguished yourself as a serious looker, Matt.

Paul Nelson: mm-hmm. 

Laurie Gerber: distinguished yourself to the woman who is not in those other categories we were talking about. So it's, I it's a great hack. It's a great hack. , can I ask you, I have two, I have two questions to ask you, but I

Paul Nelson: Sure.

Laurie Gerber: could ask me a question if you want, if you had something you wanted to say. I could listen.

Paul Nelson: Well, I have an idea of I know what my assignment is here. I got a pretty good idea.

Crafting the Perfect Dating Profile

Laurie Gerber: I also, I also want to make sure your profile is dog-whistling properly.

Paul Nelson: Okay.

Laurie Gerber: You understand? So, I teach, there's three purposes to a profile. Number one, it's an ad for you to show your best self, duh, right? Hope. Hopefully, everybody knows that it's marketing. [00:55:00] Number two, it's to. Say what you are looking for. So, if you don't say looking for a serious long-term commitment, or some form of that word, you're not, I know you can click on it. It's not the same thing as also writing it in your profile. 

Most people aren't reading the profiles, but it's a, it's, it's nice to add it one more time to just weed out people who are looking for more casual. And then the third thing is to scare off the people who aren't a match. I fear you might not be doing enough of that in the profile. So, and I have a whole exercise I take people through to determine what they're looking for, what they are providing. You know, what your head, heart, and Hoo Ha are offering to the other person who your liabilities are. What doesn't work so great about you? Everyone has seven. what acceptable liabilities you. 

Take in another, right? Like, what are you okay with? You know, my husband was okay with me being [00:56:00] arrogant and wanting my own bed. He was okay with that. So, you know, we all have our liabilities. So the exercise then has you determine are the 10 things you must say in your profile. can't say all your liabilities in your profile. That wouldn't be appropriate. But some of your liabilities you can say in your profile because it will dog whistle. The kind of person you want and scare off the person you don't want. 

You absolutely have to say what you're looking for, and you absolutely have to say you're distinguishing great. Assets, you probably have already done it, but now I'm very curious to read your profile and if we should ever do this again. I would want to read your profile and give you feedback on it to make sure that you're doing as, because you can get a date. You already said that you can get a date, so obviously, something in the profile is good and working, but if it's not getting the right quality human, something's often the message.

Right.

Paul Nelson: Exactly. Yeah. So we can arrange that we can take a look at that. Not a problem. 

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Paul Nelson: [00:57:00] Well, well, anyway, so our, our hour is just about up here, so,

Laurie Gerber: my goodness. It

Paul Nelson: I,

Laurie Gerber: fast, 

Paul Nelson: Yes. And there, there are so many other things I want to talk about, just basically, uh, on some of the things that you went over. And so I, I appreciate everything that you've said today and all the feedback.

Because, getting this information is very important to listeners of the podcast and. so that we can find what we're looking for in our later years. It's very important. 

Laurie Gerber: Important, I think the most important thing. What's more important than love? Come on.

Paul Nelson: So Laurie, I'll close it out here, but do you want to just quickly tell us a little bit about your podcast and a little bit more about yourself? What, what the listeners can, can learn from Laurie here,

Laurie Gerber: Thank you 

Paul Nelson: you offer. Mm-hmm.

Laurie Gerber: Okay, so again, I will say the podcast, which is called Love at any Age and is available where all podcasts are [00:58:00] consumed. But I love when you watch me on YouTube, that's my especially favorite place, Laurie Gerber, coach, and love. At any age, you just put it into the YouTube search and subscribe. It is, you're going to hear me talking to 50-plus women, but it is so universal. Paul, like I literally just did, how to talk about your sticky topics in early dating, and the eight steps of a difficult conversation, and how to figure out your liabilities, and how to talk about them. is good for every human in every human relationship.

So it is really applicable across, across, it all, and. It’s the way I'm laying things out. It's very bingeable, it's very curricular. It's very like I'm taking you through all the steps. How do you figure out your three H criteria? How do you ask the right questions? How do you, how do you show up on a date?

How do you flirt? How do you, I mean, every topic that women and men have been bringing to me for the last 20 years, I'm covering it in love at any age. And then I do have a free webinar if you, if you like a [00:59:00] vis, you know, if you're the kind of person, if you're nerdy like Paul and me and you want to see the, you want to see pictures and slides and that are going to tell you how to do this step by step by step, then you'll want to do LaurieGerber.com/webinar and watch me teach it like a teacher with slides and everything like that.

Or do both, you know, they're all, they're all fabulous and it'll be obvious on my website how to reach me, LaurieGerber.com. And uh, I love to help.

Paul Nelson: Awesome. Okay. Uh, so this has been a, a, a great, fun, enlightening conversation. And, uh, I, I look forward to doing this some more. So, Laurie thanks for being a, a guest today. And, uh, we'll, yes, we'll talk soon. Thanks. All right, bye.

Paul Nelson: Alright. It was certainly a lot of fun talking with Laurie today. Let's just take a few moments here and review some of the things that we learned. 

Now, first off, even if you think you've done the homework and are ready to date, you've still [01:00:00] probably got a few blind spots that need to be shored up. I know I do.

And additionally, even if we think our deal-makers and deal-breakers are on the positive side, there can still be bits of negativity that sneak into them and that need some fine tuning Our deal-makers and our deal-breakers are also products of our past experiences, and it's worth taking your time to take a closer look within and better understand how they came to be that way and recognize how we can address them.

From a personal growth perspective, adjust accordingly. We also learned that Laurie and I definitely have do two different approaches when it comes to the messaging process on the dating apps, which I have no doubt we'll make for some fun discussion that we'll take a, we'll take a closer look at in some future episodes because I'll definitely be having Laurie back.

Okay, guys and gals, it's been fun, and I look forward to being with you on the next episode to take your dating experience. From a bust to [01:01:00] a best, and that's a really good place to be.